Connection

First published to SFHouseMouse.com on 8/6/2015

The Man came home last Wednesday night, and I knew something was up. Because we have a daily sensuality practice, it “forces” us to get connected with one another, and there really is no hiding what is happening emotionally for either of us. He was on staff that night for Erwan Davon Teachings where there had been a research pool for the students to explore a Deliberate Orgasm practice (DO dates) in a safe space, and to be able to get some coaching to improve that practice. So, when The Man got home, and I could feel his distraction/distance, I knew that conversation was coming that I had been trying to avoid for a couple of years.

When we got together He let me know that this was a very enjoyable and empowering part of his life. He loved being a trained man who ladies new to the community and its offerings could look to for safety, expertise, and discretion in exploring this technique, their bodies, and their pleasure. As part of his commitment to me, he agreed to stop having DO dates with other women, which has been very beneficial to our personal relationship, as it typically sends me in to downward spirals of frenzied emotion. But here was the subject again. He had heard me, and accommodated my desires, and was now asking for me to hear him, and to simply consider his side of this discussion. With much to-do and inner turmoil, I decided to do just that. We set up a private counseling session with our relationship coaches, and talked about what comes up for me, and what can be expected in taking this on. Also, we discussed that opening up to unconventional relationship practices is like red-lining that new Maserati—we had better be prepared for the track—and, frankly, it only works if the woman can use the circumstances to fuel her own turn-on,desire, and power. So, after discussing my past relationships, botched sexual experiments, and my relationship with my father is my formative years, we have come out closer than ever, and with an even greater understanding of ourselves and our reactions in the face of extremely triggering topics and tender emotions.

As a compliment to these relationship queries, I received word from my soon-to-be sister-in-law that she would be completing with our small group personal training sessions we had been attending twice a week with Nan Luma. At first I was pretty bummed—working with Nan and my naturopath, I was feeling like my health was finally starting to recover from the devastating blow of adrenal failure—but realized this could be a golden opportunity! The planet was just graced with a Blue Moon in Leo, and six planets going in or out of retrograde. Now, August is all about clearing, clearing, clearing—and prioritizing—particularly in the arenas of money, health, and relationship. So after discovering all of that, I used this transition as a way to create structure and support for what I want to manifest upon return from Burning Man. Instead of seeing Nan twice a week, I now will be iLUMAnated all week long. She is helping me with her coaching background to structure my life to not only support an accelerated work-out schedule, but also to help keep me on track with a new writing regimen. So, be on the look-out for those fictional works in the beginning of 2016 ~ woot woot!

To round all of this shift out, The Universe has helped to crystalize a vision for my areas of research with these projects. This last revelation feels the most profound (which is saying something). I am now deliberately seeking the Women’s Mysteries. The feeling is that this is the direction my life has been building to, and that it is a path I have been walking all along, but there is something about being deliberate and committed that feels so good. In the past week, it feels like all that has happened synchronized to help me uncover this gem, and the discoveries keep unfolding.

It all started with declaring that I wanted to own the path of a Medicine Woman and open up to what that looks like for me. Then, I revisited an author/researcher/presenter I had fallen in love with years ago when I started seeking more esoteric knowledge, Michael Tsarion. When I first ran across his videos on YouTube, he was lecturing on the Irish human origins. Even back then he caught my attention with his focus on women, and his questions of why there was so much strife between the sexes. Now he has released new material on The Female Illuminati that I plan to get my grubby little paws on. In a discussion with a friend on this new path for me, he recommended I check out The Rocky Horror Tantra Book, by the guru he and his wife studied under. Interestingly, all of these roads seem to lead back to the pre-historic, possibly pre-diluvian, matriarchal societies in which women would use men for sex and brutality, then literally sacrifice the old to bring in new, fresh meat. My hunch is that this needs more exploration. We are entering a time of Woman again, and if we are truly going to heal the divide between the sexes, and explore full human potential, this information must be uncovered. I also have a sneaking suspicion that in learning of our past social superiority, and brutality, it can help women as a whole to recover our personal power, and learn how to live in loving balance with the men we love and respect. From this point of gnosis, we can co-create as whole gods, and the world can be Paradise once again.

But, lets not get ahead of ourselves…


For right now, it’s just fun to see how personal questions of relationship and health can combine to help uncover purpose and potential ;)