No Poo

First published to SFHouseMouse.com on 2/25/2015

I did it.

After months of research and threats, I went no-poo. The first article I received was from The Man, as he knows my penchant for all things granola. There was a picture of the author, who is young and beautiful, with a head full of long chestnut hair billowing around her glowing face with a caption reading that the picture had been taken after six weeks of just washing with baking soda and apple cider vinegar. She goes on to explain some of the reasons why shampoo and conditioner are bad, and gives details on how you, too, can achieve this granola greatness.

I was inspired.

Upon returning from the Appalachian mountains five years ago, where I stayed with a Lakota Medicine Woman, I was awakened to the staggering amount of chemicals and neural toxins everywhere! After researching for myself the effects of things like sulfates, parabens, phthalates, silicone, urea, and so many more; I have been on the search for shampoos, conditioners, and soaps that exclude these seemingly innocuous bastards, yet are still effective. The skin, after all, is the largest organ and exceptionally permeable (something we don’t often think about in the shower); if you can’t put it in your belly, it has no business going on your skin. Admittedly, I have yet to find any products that exclude all of these heinous ingredients, but those I have found hold a sub-par performance record, and though I care greatly about our environment, and the harmful effects of chemicals on my being, I am exceptionally vain. For a woman who wears little to no make-up, my hair is my mane of pride; she needs to be kept long and lustrous.

Just before taking the plunge, an aesthetician friend of mine warned me that doing the baking soda wash long-term had made some folks’ hair dry and brittle, so I did a little more digging. It would seem that the ph of BS is extreme, and mama’s hair no likey. The apple cider vinegar rinse not only helped to wash away residual baking soda still left in the locks, but also acted to restore the hair’s appropriate ph. Bloggers with straight, white-girl hair reported using coconut oil as a further conditioning method occasionally, for when your flax turns to straw. So, now I had the “why” behind the ritual.

It was time for action.

I made a concoction of four tablespoons baking soda to one quart water that I kept in the shower to replace my ‘poo, and kept the jug of vinegar just outside the tub (much to the behest of my roommates). Then, started at it. The first few days were great! Once my hair dried, it was fuller and lighter than ever. But, as time progressed things got a little wacky. My hair quickly went to the straw stage, as my golden tresses are not only long, but baby fine. I was noticing a lack of consistency with the washing, as well. So, I decided to do a coconut oil pack and braid it up for a couple of days. The baking soda concoction I had made was not doing the trick on its own, so I made a pot of straight BS mixed with a few drops of tea tree oil to massage onto my scalp during the washing, that seemed to work not only to get my hair squeaky clean, but for masking the unpleasant odor of the vinegar, as well. The vinegar was acting as a light conditioner. But I could never tell in the shower how the finished product would turn out. Sometimes, my whole head of hair would come out perfectly. Sometimes, it would have blotchy greasy spots. And, sometimes, it would feel like every strand was ready to break.

That’s when I snapped.

Our good friend was opening in an opera that night. I had given myself less than enough time to get ready under normal circumstances, and had not taken into account this experimental phase of hair design. Also, I had just done another coconut oil pack in hopes of repairing the desert sands (strands?), to my folly. While blowdrying, I noticed my hair did not seem to be finishing in the time expected, when—to my horror—I realized that that clumping was not wetness, but greasiness. I had washed and rewashed. I had scrubbed with my tea tree oil amalgam, rinsed and re-rinsed with my BS concoction. But, alas, to no avail. Without the foaming goodness of detergents, I had no way of knowing what parts of my hair were getting cleansed, and what parts were being left unscathed.


The relapse.

Granted, my experiment lasted for a whopping three weeks, but for now, vanity and consistency have gotten the better of me. I love a good lather! And, being a California girl, I can placate my tree-hugging sensibilities with the water-saving aspects of consistent ‘pooing (meaning, there is no need for me to jump back in the shower when I realize my hair looks like I’ve been shooting up with the kids in the Upper Haight). For now, I have found a product by Renpure that seems to be devoid of all the nastiness that spurred my decision in the first place, is easy on the wallet since it can be found in a 32 ounce bottle for almost nothing at Grocery Outlet, and it is gluten free, to boot! Plus, it doesn’t seem to strip my hair to nothing the way that the last product by The Honest Co. did.

I am sure I will try this experiment again. You can be sure, when that time comes, I will tell you all about it. For now, though, I will be one of the few “crunchy” voices on the internet not singing the praises of no ‘pooing.

That is all.