Inquiry
First published to SFHouseMouse.com on 7/23/2015
Inquiry is a process Erwan Davon teaches as a type of informal meditation. When a trigger gets flipped, say we find ourselves angry at our Uber driver for not pulling up to the side of the street we are standing on, we can internally step back from that situation and explore more deeply what is really going on. For instance, in the scenario above, perhaps we are upset that we were not seen, that we were unable to ask for what we wanted in the moment, and/or we are feeling taken advantage of. Perhaps, even more deeply, these feelings are reminiscent of early childhood memories and interactions with our mother, father, or siblings for, in some way, not seeing us as the divine being we truly are.
This is ongoing homework for me in this community, but the recent bout of inquiry started a couple weeks ago when the household decided to take a “family” vacation. Big B, one of our roommates, has family who own a condo in a fun resort in Key Largo. We all wanted to get away to some fun in the sun (since anyone who’s been to S.F. in the summer knows this can be one of the gloomiest times of the year). The vacation was amazing, and beautiful, so much fun, and an emotional rollercoaster. I am discovering more and more that when a situation is perfect, there are far fewer distractions from our inner world, and that can spell disaster. We (read Me), can feel the need to create drama in order to feel more comfortable, oddly enough.
Well, the third day of intense drinking and sun-soaking was triggering so many feelings of sadness and not being right with my body (in myriad ways). The Man has been reading a book titled, The Three Steps to Lasting Change, as part of his leadership training with EDT, so when I started to share what my internal experience was, he suggested we try one of the tools from the book. He said one can’t really change anything in his or her reality if they aren’t clear about how he or she is currently viewing the world. In other words, how does reality occur for you *right now*.
This was an interesting question when feeling into all the stuff I am grappling with regarding my body and my health. While dining poolside at a recent AirBnB in Lagunitas (following the outrageously fantastic wedding of some very good friends), The Man suggested I do a monologue regarding this inquiry to help get to the bottom of my current perception, in the hopes of possibly changing things up. So much came to the surface about how I see food as my mother’s love, and not just any food, but rich, glutenous foods in particular. Mom always made the best pies, and demanded we lick the plate clean as a way of letting her know how good those treats were. On top of that, I was always praised for my appetite, especially once my brother came on the scene, proving to be one of the pickiest eaters in the world (hotdog pizzas were all he would eat from the time his teeth came in until he hit puberty). In fifteen minutes of rambling about whatever memories and feelings were coming up in regards to the question of my current perception of food, love, and my body, many, many revelations were to be had.
That practice of inquiry has also bled into other arenas lately. My soon-to-be sister-in-law recently had a revelation about her next career move, and I have found myself inspired to look in some of those dark closets, as well. She is now pregnant with her second child, and has a solid background as a Montessori teacher and homemaker. Her recent revelation was to share her gifts in that arena with other mothers wishing to establish these practices in their own homes and lives. What a gift, indeed! Selfishly, I will be needing to procure her services once The Man and I are finally in the family way, and I’m sure there are so many other’s, both near and far, who would love to benefit from her years of study and talent.
Likewise, I am hoping that daily meditation and self-inquiry will lead me to an equally brilliant a-ha moment. The feeling is that whatever the next step is in my life (specifically regarding work and career), that thing is already here, I just need to have the eyes to see it.