Resistance Training

First published to SFHouseMouse.com on 6/18/2015

Recently my personal trainer, Nan Luma, has been gently nudging me about these posts. You might have noticed, but I haven’t written in a while, and she keeps making subtle comments like, “I had nothing to read the other day… (pregnant silence)”. At the beginning of the year I made a grandiose statement (as one does in the throws of New Year’s resolution reverberations) about writing every week. That has obviously not happened. In fact, every time I even think about sitting down to make an entry, my brainy Super Ego hijacks my ride saying things about having no content, not good enough, and no one notices/cares/digs it/etc. But the fact is, if ever I were to have shit to write about, it would be the adventures of this year, and since this is a journal-type blog, that internal overseer can go to Hell. I guess my other resistance crutch has been the tidal waves of change that have occurred over the past six months(!). Alex and I got engaged, for one. We graduated from our Sensuality Expansion Program, had an outrageously awesome adventure for his birthday on the Mexican Riviera, restructured our diets and lifestyle to be more in line with the Paleo state of mind, implemented hardcore exercise and meditation practices, and we adopted two beautiful baby kitties—just to name a few.

So, lets start with Nan. When my roommate Elisabeth, and my soon-to-be sister-in-law Masha asked me (well over a year ago) if I wanted to do small group training with them, I had such an adverse reaction, I think I almost took their heads off. So, it was with trepidation that Masha approached me a few months later with an offer I couldn’t refuse (but almost did, anyway). We are in a weekly class together with Erwan Davon Teachings that mentions just about every session how essential a network of support is to people making sustainable change in their lives, but I was apparently determined to be different from every other human on the planet. After having packed on a solid 30 pounds in the wake of grief from my father’s passing, the ladies had watched me struggle in self-imposed solidarity to try and release that burden. The Super Ego is a tricky little bugger who fools one into thinking he or she is alone in the fight, so we isolate ourselves thinking all sorts of shitty things about ourselves and what we’re going through, which increases our suffering, so we isolate even more. When I saw the ladies’ eyes pop out of their heads at my reaction, and felt the overwhelming response in my body to being asked if I wanted to join their workout group, I knew it was rich territory for investigation. I felt attacked for my inability to be successful on my own; fat-shamed; and all sorts of memories surfaced from child and young adult-hood about being thick or thin; and remembered all the comments boyfriends, peers, and parents had made. All of this from one simple (and innocent) little question, and none of it was anywhere close to what Masha and Elisabeth were meaning to convey.

When the question of small group training finally surfaced again, I was prepared for all the ways my psychology would rage with sabotage. Plus, I was lucky enough to get connected with Nan and J Bodyworks before they were a hot commodity, so the price was right—and fleeting. On top of that, Masha agreed to pick me up and drop me off on my doorstep for the months leading up to her daughter’s initiation into the fancy LePort preschool. Really. How could I possibly say no to that? I couldn’t—but I tried.


Over the past year, I have gradually realized just how lucky I am. Both Nan and her employer, Jae Yee, have been students of Landmark Education for years, which puts a premium on presence. As well, they use the Z Health training method, which includes the brain and nervous system in achieving overall fitness—their motto is, after all, Every Body Works. Nan wooed me so strongly with her attention to Masha and me in our personal training sessions, that I have overcome (to some degree) my fearful neural chunk of bike riding to follow her spin classes at The Wheelhouse. And now I’m ruined for other trainers! Thinking of how variety is the spice of life, I have branched out and worked with other coaches, taken other spin classes, all much to my chagrin. The others have been good, but none seem to have the same level of attention as she, or the ability to BE with all of us students to the same level of excellence. I am officially, and proudly, a member of her iLUMAnation.


Now, when Nan says, “Jump”, I say, “How high”. And when she makes comments about getting back on the writing horse, I bust out the tack. I guess when you hire Nan as your personal trainer, the strength training goes beyond your muscles.

Jenevie Shoykhet